Evelyn Cusack for President

Evelyn Cusack. Isn't she just class? The epitome of straightforwardness. Last night she was being interviewed on the radio about the current inclement meteorological conditions. Asked about the outlook, she said it was going to be very cold. Her interviewer didn't seem to hear the boul Evelyn when she said it would be cold for the next week and a half. The interviewer said, "so it's going to be cold for the next few days". Evelyn's response was cool and matter-of-fact: "Eh, it's going to be cold for the next ten days." She had all the enthusiasm on this occasion of a snail preparing for a race against a hare. But she told it as it was.

No fudge. No bull. No nonsense. Just plain old straightforward honesty. Evelyn is not in it for the popularity contest. Nope, she just wants people to know about the weather, even if the weather's gonna be dire.

She could run for President, you know. Or even better, Taoiseach. She's a million times more intelligent than most politicians, and she might have told us exactly how it was months ago, unlike the current Government incumbents who seem to be clueless about the state of the economy and bereft of decent ideas to fix it.

Crucially, she might show a bit of honesty about the economic forecast. This time last year, some so-called "experts" were predicting the economy would pick up in six months or nine months. Now, we're hearing it might be a year or two. But let's be honest, anyone who has any clue about economics knows that, after a prolonged boom, recession is inevitable. And recession is no light rain shower. No siree. It's more like a continuous band of depressions cycling in from the Atlantic. If Evelyn was our leader, she might give us a more realistic, albeit somewhat gloomy, forecast. She might say we're in for five or six years of it. At least she'd be honest about it, even if her chances of being re-elected were severely damaged in the effort.

A few days before Christmas, Evelyn was being interviewed on 2FM and was asked what the chances were of a White Christmas. There might have been a hundred thousand people listening, or a lot more, and many kids besides. But here was no-nonsense Evelyn delivering the facts again.

"Eh, about zero percent chance," she told her enthusiastic audience, dashing all their hopes in four words and an "eh".

Well how could she be expected to say anything else? It was, after all, going to be about ten degrees celcius on Christmas Day. It would take the magic of an articifer god like the Gobann Saor to make it snow in ten degree heat. Certainly such a miracle is beyond my magic, and I am, after all, the chief of the gods.

You know, if we'd had Evelyn as our seer during the Táin Bó Cuailnge, we might have had a better chance of knowing how the battle was going to go. Our own prophetess was a bit of a tuppenny chancer. She would have made a great politician. Talked out of both sides of her gob, and never told us anything meaningful. Always playing to both sides. Put it this way, you wouldn't want to be asking her the winning Lotto numbers.